SO last year..... around this time last year my life changed forever.
I left my boyfriend of 3 years in the upmost disrespectful way, but I mean it's me, stupid, naive, and lazy, how else was I supposed to do it. It was the night of Halloween and my friends and I had just come back from getting pizza from Berkeley and I was trying to get directions to get back home, and my boyfriend at the time kept blowing up my phone and I was just trying to get directions back home in the rain and some part of Berkeley I wasn't that familiar with, so I blocked him until we got back to school. When we walked into the building one of the residents that lived in the hall with me told me my boyfriend was here waiting for me. And as I slowly make my way up in to the 4th floor of that building, he WAS right there waiting for me. I walked straight pass him and grabbed all his belongings from my room and put them in a bag and left it outside. And we fought until we were blue in the face and he left. When he walked out the door and into the abyss of the dark winter night, I felt this sense of liberation, for like maybe 12 hours... My best friend saw the pain I was in and suggested that I created a Tinder, (in retrospect I don't know how that would be helpful.... but) so I did and within 3 hours I had reconnected with someone I knew from two years ago and we made plans to have a date on Friday in ... Berkeley. The days went by and I slowly missed the man I just pushed away, but I kept telling myself it was for the best. On Thursday of that week I went running on this trail that I use to run at during the summer with a young man I feel in love with, but accused me of giving him herpes and blocked me from everything. During the middle of my run it started to rain and my shoe was untied. I went to the side of the trial and tied my shoe, and when I looked up from double knotting my shoe I recognized this tall man jogging with a hoodie and headphones on. My heart dropped to my feet because I knew it was the young man I had fallen in love with during the summer. Something in my body told me to run after him, and with that gut feeling I ran to him, calling his name out. He didn't hear my shouts of course since he was in his own world and finally I touched his back and he turned around and there was the man I had loved. He looked at me with such sorrow in his eyes and before he could say anything I hit him. Before his lips spilt to say something I yelled at him, and shouted for an explanation. And with a quivering mouth he said, "I'm sorry, I'm just a scared whimp that didn't tell you anything." It started to sprinkle and as he continued talking I started to cry, because I knew that the man I loved didn't mean to hurt me, that it was fear that had conquered his body to push me away. And in that moment I had forgiven him. And he held me so tight and so securely to his chest that I could feel his heart aching. Being nuzzled in his chest gave me this feeling of warmth and his longing to love me. Now you might be thinking, wow okay so you just broke up with a guy you dated for 3 years, and you have a Tinder date tomorrow, where the hell did this guy in the rain come from. Well, he came from senior year of high school, my Environmental Studies class. And honestly I did not know he existed until one sunny May morning I turned around to pass him a worksheet and his eyes glistened and I knew I wanted to pursue him. (My boyfriend of three years and I were on a break then so it was perfect timing that I finally noticed him). And within 3 weeks I had fallen in love with this sweet innocent high school boy. But back to the story... it was late October and I was in a pickle...
To Be Continued
I left my boyfriend of 3 years in the upmost disrespectful way, but I mean it's me, stupid, naive, and lazy, how else was I supposed to do it. It was the night of Halloween and my friends and I had just come back from getting pizza from Berkeley and I was trying to get directions to get back home, and my boyfriend at the time kept blowing up my phone and I was just trying to get directions back home in the rain and some part of Berkeley I wasn't that familiar with, so I blocked him until we got back to school. When we walked into the building one of the residents that lived in the hall with me told me my boyfriend was here waiting for me. And as I slowly make my way up in to the 4th floor of that building, he WAS right there waiting for me. I walked straight pass him and grabbed all his belongings from my room and put them in a bag and left it outside. And we fought until we were blue in the face and he left. When he walked out the door and into the abyss of the dark winter night, I felt this sense of liberation, for like maybe 12 hours... My best friend saw the pain I was in and suggested that I created a Tinder, (in retrospect I don't know how that would be helpful.... but) so I did and within 3 hours I had reconnected with someone I knew from two years ago and we made plans to have a date on Friday in ... Berkeley. The days went by and I slowly missed the man I just pushed away, but I kept telling myself it was for the best. On Thursday of that week I went running on this trail that I use to run at during the summer with a young man I feel in love with, but accused me of giving him herpes and blocked me from everything. During the middle of my run it started to rain and my shoe was untied. I went to the side of the trial and tied my shoe, and when I looked up from double knotting my shoe I recognized this tall man jogging with a hoodie and headphones on. My heart dropped to my feet because I knew it was the young man I had fallen in love with during the summer. Something in my body told me to run after him, and with that gut feeling I ran to him, calling his name out. He didn't hear my shouts of course since he was in his own world and finally I touched his back and he turned around and there was the man I had loved. He looked at me with such sorrow in his eyes and before he could say anything I hit him. Before his lips spilt to say something I yelled at him, and shouted for an explanation. And with a quivering mouth he said, "I'm sorry, I'm just a scared whimp that didn't tell you anything." It started to sprinkle and as he continued talking I started to cry, because I knew that the man I loved didn't mean to hurt me, that it was fear that had conquered his body to push me away. And in that moment I had forgiven him. And he held me so tight and so securely to his chest that I could feel his heart aching. Being nuzzled in his chest gave me this feeling of warmth and his longing to love me. Now you might be thinking, wow okay so you just broke up with a guy you dated for 3 years, and you have a Tinder date tomorrow, where the hell did this guy in the rain come from. Well, he came from senior year of high school, my Environmental Studies class. And honestly I did not know he existed until one sunny May morning I turned around to pass him a worksheet and his eyes glistened and I knew I wanted to pursue him. (My boyfriend of three years and I were on a break then so it was perfect timing that I finally noticed him). And within 3 weeks I had fallen in love with this sweet innocent high school boy. But back to the story... it was late October and I was in a pickle...
To Be Continued
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