Vanillamoonlight

 as i look back, i just wonder if he fed me lies. but maybe he fed himself so many lies he did not know what was real as much as i wish i could say it did not start like that, it did. blinded by the intricate lies he manufactured i went with every whim, i answered every call, i shared with him, i listened to him, i respected him.  maybe he was conditioning me to be able to understand. understand the two baby mamas, 7 kids, 2 dogs, 4 houses, and not one place for us to resort to except.... san francisco. not one place you will love me except the car, or south lake tahoe, or yosemite. hidden. tucked. you could be somebody. i was feeling you. we would have done something big.  you were scared. i could not get through. we flew before we even crawled. we are chasing dreams. you an empire. me my demons and angels.  you leave your kids. i leave freckles.  we can not back track, we could not holt, we ran every red light. we saw the future and as glowing as it was, ...

 Every day. It was every day you pulled up on me. No one else knew Just you and me In a world of our own Entrapped in the enthralling whim Not seeing what was right in front of us Good days,  Love, Sacrifice, Feelings so deep they never needed to be proclaimed.

 In the elevator he asked me, “So how tall are you Rebecca?” I replied shyly, remembering I was just informed I grew three fourths of an inch at the doctor’s office, “I am 5 foot three and 3/4th of an inch.”  “I could swear you’re 5 foot 6! Your personality and aura are definitely taller than 5’3!” He grinned as he led us out the elevator to the boisterous street filled with hungry faces and hands clutched with Nordstorm, Tiffany, Crate & Barrel bags. His words, on repeat in my head like my favorite Brent Faiyaz song. It lingered in the back of my mind for the rest of the week. I had also remembered when he said you’re only massaging me with one hand and yet it feels like there’s five. These little comments that are even complements wrestle in my head as though they have ill meaning. The more his words stay in my mind the more I start to understand that my energy, my aura, as he would say my personality is 10 times bigger than most. Maybe not even 10 maybe 100 and maybe no...

  promise me this,   one day you’ll push my hair back behind my ear & fix my nose piercing without asking in another life time hold me for more than 45 seconds because U dont want to let go the next life to come kiss every inch of my body like u should have when all is said and done i want to feel the bristles of your beard around my lips and hold my head so softly when im giving it you centuries from now always say love you before u go but for now, just know im down for you where ever that goes